mostly-funnytwittertweets:

mostly-funnytwittertweets:

(via xxdrwhovianxx)

chaoticdumbassrogue:

”DID YOU GO THROUGH MY THINGS?”

“No.”

“MOM I CANT FIND THE TRACKING BEACON!”

“Did you look under the battery?”

*immediately finds it*

(via determinedtoaster)

frowningfox:

sighinastorm:

creepymutelilbugger:

uh, source?

Source:

(via bitchybumblebee)

cryoverkiltmilk:

emotion-deluxe:

(via bitchybumblebee)

its-tortle:

i don’t know who needs to hear this, but you’re allowed to gain weight in your twenties. you are a grown ass adult now. your body can and should not be the same as it was at seventeen. allow it to grow along with you <3

(via bitchybumblebee)

notamean-greenbean:

you’ve considered the shrimplications but….. have you prawndered them….,,,..,,..

(via bitchybumblebee)

jame7t:

cottoncandylesbo:

jame7t:

jame7t:

jame7t:

doctor my son has the riddlemaster’s plague please help him

Post cancelled I got a breakfast bagel and it’s yumyyyy

Do you guys wanna hang out later

i want to but i came down with something and I think it’s ba

EEE HEE HEE. CAN SOLVE MY WICKED RHYME, OR WILL YOU SIMPLY SUCCUMB TO THE SLIME?

WHISKER OF WHITE AND FUR OF GREY, THIS CREATURE WILL SNATCH YOUR CHEESE AWAY!!

CAN YOU GUESS THIS MEAGRE FOE? OR WILL YOUR BAGEL BE NAUGHT BUT WOE?

(coughs haggardly)

FUCK FUCK FUCK. CHCIKEN ?

(via bitchybumblebee)

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva:

apas-95:

everyone when i roll up

greeting the mutuals

(via bitchybumblebee)

lesbianshepard:

Just heard a customer two aisles over go “Hey, I think this is that special glass that doesn’t shatter when you drop it” followed by the sound of shattering glass. I hate retail.

(via xxdrwhovianxx)

what-even-is-thiss:

what-even-is-thiss:

One of my professors told me recently “You aren’t in the drivers or passengers seat when you write a story. The characters are in the drivers seat and they’ve locked you in the trunk” and I mean he’s not wrong.

Some of you are reading this like you’re supposed to get out of the trunk. No. Frankly, the characters know better than you most of the time.

(via jgvfhl)

legogonkdroid:

everyone likes to talk about fucked up joke spells like “super brain hemmorage” and “fill lungs with water” but i let my players make spells once theyre a certain level and my sorceror just sent me this text

(via bitchybumblebee)

farmlesbians:

(via bitchybumblebee)

lakevida:

how it feels to spend $4 on almonds every week

(via bitchybumblebee)

huffylemon:

(via bitchybumblebee)

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